Eunice Apia’s blog

So I spent all day Sunday with my childhood friend, Nadine. It was great and I look forward to seeing her again. We knew each other since I was 7 and she was 6. I think it's the longest relationship, I've had. I've seen people come and go. Some family members are the only people you wish would go, but stick with you whether you like it or not. Nadine says it's because I'm a "free spirit", if that is the case, it's not by choice. I envy the fact that her family still own the house she was born in and she could come down from Texas with her husband and child anytime and visit that neighborhood. That she has childhood friends and neighbors that she has extended memories with.

I've moved so much, that I can't share stories of block parties, neighbors and childhood friendships besides from church. If I were to take a friend on a tour around where I lived, I would have to take them to different locations of Brooklyn and say; "I lived here, and here and here. This is where we slept in the hallway when we got kicked of our place. Oh those wonderful memories." I don't have a stable background to go back to, and so I might have to borrow Nadine's sometimes. I don't think she would mind.

I don't want to continue the life of instability. I went to settle down in a state, have a family and kids. Ten-twenty years down the road, our children would come visit us and know that they will always have a place to come to. I've lived in about 6 or more different places within two years and I don't like it. I don't want to continue the cycle my mother started. I am getting ready to move again this year and I'm tired. I've never had a home or residences. I want security and commitment.

I will put the videos I took of Nadine this week, on youtube; when I have the time.

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Take control of your mind and meditate
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)
It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity

I felt the need to write these lyrics from The black eye peas because I feel that my generation is going crazy. We are becoming mentally unstable and it bothers me. It saddens me, it makes me cry. We are all so desperate for love, that we are looking everywhere for it. We are willing to take it from anywhere we can get it. Whether from strangers or people who say the right things at the right time. A person just gives a little bit of attention and we want to give them our body and soul. "Where is the love!!!?". Someone please tell me where the love is because this is not love. That is not love. So if this is not love, than where is the love? My generation lack love...because the past generation has failed to teach us. The sad and scary thing is, you can't teach what you don't know. So when did the love leave...and is it gone forever? Are we going to live our lives like zombies, deceived and force fed an artificial kind of love? A love that makes you lose your mind and all sense of reasoning? Who told you that was love? Who told you it was okay to love that way? Who? You tell me, what do you know about love?

Tell me brothers and sisters...lovers and friends...what do you know about love?

You don't know shit about love and it's okay to cry about it.

My friend and future film partner Simone has a friend who owns a tv station in LA. He is interested in working with us in the future. I am excited about that idea. Simone is on her way to New Zealand right now. When she gets back, we are shooting the second episode of Matchmaker cafe. I have to have the first episode finish by this week or next week, so that I can give out copies to cast at the next shoot. Simone and I are also going to be working together to come up with an idea for a show that can air on her friend's station. 

So I wasn't able to edit my show because my computer crashed right in the middle of the process. I was really getting into the groove. The good thing, is I now know what works and what doesn't. My brother even gave me a new Dell 40G laptop to store and do all my films on. So now I have three laptops and four hard drives. This is great, a start. After he finish setting up my new laptop, I should be able to edit my project without anymore interruptions. Let's hope by tonight or tomorrow, my show is ready for exposure. I don't know how the first show is going to do, but hopefully I will be inspired to do more projects. I am trying to schedule a shooting this week for another project. that one shouldn't need editing. Simple and to the point.

So I've finally found a program that might actually allow me to edit my work the way I want. I am test driving it today and if it works out, I will get the full version. Window Movie maker is good for editing work because it's easy but for some reason everytime I put my MPEG-2 clips in, it crashes. I've had a problem with this software but I'm hoping it's because I didn't have the right decoder. I installed the MPEG decoder today so I am hoping that I'm on the journey of finally editing my first project. I am spending all day today working on my project. I want to have everything finished by tomorrow.

INTRODUCING OFFICIAL CAST: Madison, Shena, Hamako and Agatha

I've been interested in filmmaking since I could remember. It wasn't until 07-08 that I decided to finally do something about it. I created my own production company called Trinity Films Productions. Trinity Films is three companies in one. I will be working with digital, screen and television projects. I write, direct, produce and shoot my own work. I even cast my own actors. I find that when you want something done, do it yourself. There have been people who've shown interested in supporting me on this journey. Whether it's helping me edited my work; which is the hardest part with filmmaking or helping me with casting and PR. I am excited to see where this idea goes and would like to hear other filmmakers stories of beginnings, endings or present. You can find a few videos on my youtube page so see a bit of what I'm working on, Trinity Films Productions Youtube Page.

I just finished shooting the first episode to my first project, The Matchmaker cafe. It's been a great experience and accomplishment. I hope to have it edited and completely finished by next week to be added to websites. There are great paying websites out there that are happy to supporting aspiring filmmakers. In the future I will add a page about websites that are willing to pay filmmakers for uploads. I hope everyone who joins this group will find it useful and will make it useful. Feel free to talk about day to day filmmaking experiences, gossip about behind the scenes and share knowledge. All is welcome. Even leaving a video, poem or blog entry is welcome here...just feel welcome.

I plan on working on more than one project simultaneously. I will write weekly or monthly blogs about my many projects, the challenges and success. I am scheduled to shoot this month a second project that I wrote, which is a reply to the Mac vs PC commercial.

I laid in bed crying last night, but this morning I realized that it was tears of joy. Maybe last night I didn't know it but today I do. There is a lot of hurting that goes on in this world. Sometimes we think our pain is the most obvious because it's right in front of us. If we listen to other people's stories. It will amazed us and give us strength. There is not much I can do at this point in my life but listen. When someone feels the need to open up to me and spill out their darkest secrets, all I can do is listen...listen without judgment, listen with understanding and listen with a trust, that no matter what they tell me...it's between us and no one else. I've gone through a lot of emotional abuse, and put myself subconsciously through a lot of emotional abuse. It's human nature, but it's good to know that when you need someone to talk to, whether the person be a childhood friend or a faceless friend...you have someone. Sometimes a person just need someone to confess to. Someone to spill their fears, pain and hurt to. It's a great thing to have a someone like that or be a person like that. I hope that I can make a small difference by listening. I might not have a solution...but I can listen. Sometimes that is the best solution. It doesn't take a lot to just listen to someone talk about their life whether it's the past they are remembering, the present or the future. 

momentum, giraffes, dumpster, loop, chronicle

I had the dream again where I was running, but I didn't know where I was going. It was pitch black, and not a soul was in sight. I had this fear of some danger around me, but I couldn't see which way it was coming from. I started to pick up momentum, hoping that this would take me farther from this darkness lurking around me. I heard a sound and quickly looked back. There appeared to be herd of giraffes running towards me. What were giraffes doing loose in the city? I felt a sharp pain on my forehead as I ran into a stop sign. I slowly fall down face forward. As I fall I saw some words in front of me sprayed painted across a dumpster, "There are always loop holes." I quickly sat up in bed with sweat running down the sides of my body. I couldn't make sense of the dream. I ran my hands across my face and took a deep breath. I slowly drew my legs to my chest and looked at my ankle. I smiled and trace the giraffe image on my leg. I got it to chronicle the ending of a very emotionally abusive relationship. To me a giraffe symbolizes beauty in an unlikely way.

I love everything about the Not Profit world. I started working in Non Profit in 2004 and have been ever since. I've always wanted to work for non profit and hopefully will own a few organizations myself one day. So being that I am a Youth board member of an African non profit in New York, that is working to change conditions in the continent. I've been learning a lot. The one thing I am most excited about right now is Micro Finance. I didn't know what it was until recently. I am not turned on by math or money. I hate handling money, which is not a good trait. Now that I've been made as a handler of money, I have to learn everything there is to learn about money. Let's start by my explaining what Micro finance is. We will learn together.

Microfinance refers to the provision of financial services to low-income clients, including the self-employed.^[1] The term also refers to the practice of sustainably delivering those services.

More broadly, it refers to a movement that envisions “a world in which as many poor and near-poor households as possible have permanent access to an appropriate range of high quality financial services, including not just credit but also savings, insurance, and fund transfers.”^[2]

Key principles of microfinance

1. Poor people need a variety of financial services, not just loans.

4. Microfinance can pay for itself, and must do so if it is to reach very large numbers of poor people.

5. Microfinance is about building permanent local financial institutions.

8. The job of government is to enable financial services, not to provide them.

10. The key bottleneck is the shortage of strong institutions and managers.^[4]

More generally, the Principles assert that “Microfinance means building financial systems that serve the poor.” Financial systems include strong financial institutions but also much more: more competitive financial markets, better government regulatory services and better complementary services (practitioner education, auditing, etc.)

Isn't it exciting? My goal it to learn everything I need to learn about this subject and make it a full time job. This is something I've always wanted to do but didn't have a name for it or know how to begin. Now that I have the tools and with the help of my fellow board members, we hope to help develop Africa, through Micro finance. We do not plan to use Micro finance as the only options, just one of the options to teach them how to become business owner and employers. If you can not work directly in micro finance, here is an indirect way of supporting.

Kiva

Grameen

PBS

For about a month now I've been having problems with my computer. I finally took my computer to my brother who calls himself a computer wizard. He is actually pretty good with fixing computers. I've learned a few things by watching him. I'm not too good with computers but love the net and digital art. I want to perfect Digital filmmaking and plan to do so. So even after my brother fixed my computer I couldn't upload my videos to windows b/c something called decoder or codec wasn't installed or working. I have no idea what the hell those are but I knew I have to get them fixed to be able to edit and view my videos and media. So I did what I do best, I googled. I should get paid to google. I believe myself to be a detective and investigator when it comes to googling. I have the patience and can find any answer I need online by way of google. You just have to know the right key words, like a puzzle. So I decided to find out what I needed to get my window player to run. For someone who does not understand computer talk, this can be hard. I found a website filled with codecs. After deleteing the software that my brother installed cyberlink powerdvd 8 which was crashing my window media. I finally installed a few programs that are finally making my windows run. I feel so happy and accomplished that I can finally do some things on the computer without help. I'm not a geek yet, but my hope is in a few years I will have the honor of wearing the title proudly. *pats self on back*